Everyday I am on Facebook, it never fails, at some point I will be completely baffled by someone’s status update. I too am guilty of the odd or unnecessary update here and there, which is why I no longer operate Facebook while drinking. I’m not saying every person who spouts off passive aggressive updates or updates that record your every move or act as an emotional release, is drunk – but I really hope you are. A Facebook status, though completely unnecessary, is a place to have a little fun and maybe even keep up-to-date on important events. It is not your diary nor is it a place for uncalled for aggression towards someone who is probably not even reading your status – the people who are reading them, are your employers and someone in admissions at one of the top 50 colleges that you applied to. If you are unsure whether or not you can update soberly, please take the social media sobriety test. I have put together the Wall of Shame, featuring the worst status updates I could find online, from people we are going to assume were completely wasted when they posted.
1. The Passive Aggressive Call to Action
If you have not yet graduated from middle school, I may let you off easy here – on the other hand, if you are over the age of 14 please take the time to realize how immature statuses such as these can appear. No one is going to look at this and think that you are a good friend. (Image)
2. The Emotional Tirade
You just broke up with your significant other, I assume, and this is a public expression of your undying love and a big, disgusting “please take me back”. If you attach sappy theme music to this, I hope your friends hack into your computer and delete your sad rendition of “How Do I Live” by Celine Dion, or that somebody reports you to Facebook. (Image)
3. The Song Lyrics
While it is a great song and every once in a while I see a cool song lyric update, this is overdoing it. It is probably late and you’re drunk, sad, and alone – log out of Facebook and go to bed. If you don’t, you will regret this in the morning, also known as: Facebook hangover. (Image)
4. The Scary
Just because Facebook gives you the option to be “looking for dating“, and makes it really easy to stalk people, does not make it a dating site. There is also a sad level of desperation that come with a status like this, so show yourself some respect and have a little more dignity. What girl in her right mind would actually respond to this? (Image)
5. The Rated-R
While it may be the truth, no one needs to know. Any status that discusses body parts or sexuality, please spare us all. You might as well have just stood in the middle of a crowded room and yelled, “hey everyone, look at my boobs!” (Image)
Consider this a Public Service Announcement. All previous Facebook status discretions will be forgotten if you never do this again. If you have any completely ridiculous Facebook updates, please feel free to share so more people will know what not to do.