Everyday I am on Facebook, it never fails, at some point I will be completely baffled by someone’s status update. I too am guilty of the odd or unnecessary update here and there, which is why I no longer operate Facebook while drinking. I’m not saying every person who spouts off passive aggressive updates or updates that record your every move or act as an emotional release, is drunk – but I really hope you are. A Facebook status, though completely unnecessary, is a place to have a little fun and maybe even keep up-to-date on important events. It is not your diary nor is it a place for uncalled for aggression towards someone who is probably not even reading your status – the people who are reading them, are your employers and someone in admissions at one of the top 50 colleges that you applied to. If you are unsure whether or not you can update soberly, please take the social media sobriety test. I have put together the Wall of Shame, featuring the worst status updates I could find online, from people we are going to assume were completely wasted when they posted.

1. The Passive Aggressive Call to Action

 “I really hate it when you try to be a good friend and then people you  trust stab you in the back.”

If you have not yet graduated from middle school, I may let you off easy here – on  the other hand, if you are over the age of 14 please take the time to realize how  immature statuses such as these can appear. No one is going to look at this and  think that you are a good friend. (Image)

2. The Emotional Tirade

 “I will never love anyone the way I loved you. Goodbye.”

You just broke up with your significant other, I assume, and this is a public  expression of your undying love and a big, disgusting “please take me back”. If you  attach sappy theme music to this, I hope your friends hack into your computer and  delete your sad rendition of “How Do I Live” by Celine Dion, or that somebody  reports you to Facebook. (Image)

3. The Song Lyrics

 “Please, please, please let me get what I want this time…”

While it is a great song and every once in a while I see a cool song lyric update,  this is overdoing it. It is probably late and you’re drunk, sad, and alone – log out of  Facebook and go to bed. If you don’t, you will regret this in the morning, also  known as: Facebook hangover. (Image)

4. The Scary

 “If any of you ladies are looking for a good man, inbox me!”

Just because Facebook gives you the option to be “looking for dating“, and makes  it really easy to stalk people, does not make it a dating site. There is also a sad  level of desperation that come with a status like this, so show yourself some  respect and have a little more dignity. What girl in her right mind would actually  respond to this? (Image)

5. The Rated-R

 “My boobs look great in this dress! PARTY!”

While it may be the truth, no one needs to know. Any status that discusses body  parts or sexuality, please spare us all. You might as well have just stood in the  middle of a crowded room and yelled, “hey everyone, look at my boobs!” (Image)

Consider this a Public Service Announcement. All previous Facebook status discretions will be forgotten if you never do this again. If you have any completely ridiculous Facebook updates, please feel free to share so more people will know what not to do.